On the day I met my former patient on the street, whom told me that i made a difference in his life, I was also met by a Christian whom tried to get me to go to his church in hopes of converting me to his faith. And since then, I have found myself in much religious debate over my theology and the fundamentalist Christian theology. So I have decided to take the time to actually write about what I feel in regards to what I have been debating against.
Now, before I go any further, I have to say that I have no problems with the religion of Chrtistianity. I think it is actually a wonderful faith filled with doctrine of forgiveness and hope in oppressive times. That we need not feel burdened by the pressures of a material world when a higher spiritual reality beckons us towards enlightenment.
The symbol of Jesus on the Cross is gorgeous. It shows (to me at least) a message that whatever we feel guilty or ashamed about, no matter what brings us down, no matter how awful we feel, we will find forgiveness from that and be released from those burdens to be surrounded in love and joy.
However, I think that people have taken it too far in fundamentalism. Instead of preaching on Self Forgiveness, it has become a doctrine of fear instead. According to most of the Christian faith that I have met or seen in the media (there may be others whom are different, but i have yet to see them), Jesus did not let himself be crucified so that we may find forgiveness in ourselves, but so that God could forgive us. That we as human beings were such awful, miserable people so far away from God's will that we needed the Son of Man to be murdered in the most horrible way so that God may forgive us and allow us into paradise and be "saved" from evil.
There is just way too much to that theology that makes me cringe. The simple truth is that I do not believe in the reality of "Sin", "Satan", and "Hell". They are theats used to control people and not an actuality as would be professed by an omnibenevolent God.
Let me explain. If you do not follow the creeds of the Church fathers, then you are labelled as "Sinful" and as such are against the will of God. Even more to the point that god will literally hold it against you. If you sin too much, then you are under the sway of the source of all evil, named "Satan", who will claim your fragile soul as his away from the beauty of God. And if you let yourself be taken by "Satan" and reject God in any way, then you will be sent to eternal damnation in "Hell".
Tell me. Does that sound like a spiritual truth? To me, it sounds like people in power crafting doctrines to keep people obeying their rules. And for some strange reason, it worked.
Mankind seems to have this strange tendancy of believing that only things outside of himself can bring him peace, and that there is no internal force to bring such a thing. In my experiences, I find the opposite true. Man is the creator of his own reality, his own life, and his own fate. In other words, Man is God.
The bible even teaches this same thing. Jesus stated this in John 10:34 "Is it not written in your law? I said: "You are Gods!""
Sadly, people don't want to believe that. They want to believe that they need a big daddy god to keep them safe and punish the people who do wrong in their eyes. And that is a damned shame.
The truth is that man is as powerful as he believes himself to be. And sadly, people in power saw that too and decided to take away that belief.
This is true for other faiths too. In the Neo-Pagan/Wiccan communities, most people believe that they need the right spell to manifest change in their lives. They need the right words to the spell, the right herbs or crystals or incense, the right garments, or the right entity to make the spell work. When in fact it is one's belief that makes a spell work and that the best spells are the ones that the magician makes for him/herself.
Even in modern secular world, people seem to think that they need the latest medications to make them healthy, the latest technology to make them happy, and the latest fashions to make them accepted. Ultimately all the healing, happiness, and good fortune one desires in found within in the Body, Heart, and Mind.
And yet, people still desire to have all the problems of this world illogically explained to them that an omnibenevolent god would allow for someone who disobeys him to spend eternity in an inferno or allow a terrible fallen angel of negativity to terrorize mankind with "sin".
Sadly, I am not explaining this very well, so I will end it here. Just remember that you do not need a daddy god to forgive you for anything you feel guilty of when you can forgive yourself just as easily.
LVX Amor!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
On Dreams and Heroic Quests
"Dreams without actions are but fantasies" --Christopher Davis
I have had many interesting experiences that I could write about while at the same time, pushing my theology into it to make some sort of a point on developing or understanding personal power. Well I am not going to be doing that this time around. I am going to write about something much more personal and explain a little of my back-story in the process. So here goes.
We all have a calling in life. We all have a desire for wholeness, a hunch that we can do something great, an inkling that we can, through our own ability, inspire another to create a miracle. This is natural to our human nature and our nature as divine beings in physical form. We all want to do something that will make us remembered with fond memories. I have yet to meet one person who has not wanted this in some form, and I doubt that I ever will.
Well, ever since I was a wee tot raised on Disney movies, I too had a calling. I wanted to explore unknown regions of the world, have some sort of power over myself and others outside of me, and uncover a miracle. It has taken different forms throughout the years, but the desire has ultimately been the same. What has also been the same is little idea as how to become that mystical adventurer i had envisioned myself as.
Well, at fourteen, I discovered my own clairvoyant/clairaudient ability of mediumship, and began to regularly have psychic experiences that confirmed my impossible belief in magic and the unknowable. (Impossible as that sounds.) I spoke with the spirits of trees and lakes and the wind, and enjoyed a wonder for the world.
But instead of this empowering me, I felt more dis-empowered, for I did not understand this in the least, and it did not resolve my fantasy of uncovering mystery. I only heard these beings telepathically and at rare times could I make out an astral form as to what i was "speaking" with. Even worse, I was unaware of the fact that many spiritual beings have agendas of their own. And as such, I allowed myself to be deceived by many of the spirits I called my "friends" and "partners".
I felt a calling and had experiences to somewhat validate that calling, and as a result, I created intense fantasies around this calling of myself as some superhero archangel in human form, in love with a Greek god of sexual desire, on a mission to destroy a powerful source of all evil, and bring about a new age of wisdom. Even worse was that many of the spiritual beings I knew kept pushing those fantasies even deeper, as did normal humans whom wanted to believe in something extraordinary despite that I could hardly prove any of this. All I had were false visions and some misinterpreted verses from the Book of Enoch to try and prove myself.
All the while, I had been unemployed for over two years, had hardly any true friends, and no real direction in life. Despite my "dreams", I was not in a good state of mind or life.
It was only when a psychic and energy worker, that I greatly respected and wanted to impress, told me how "fluffy" I was, how I did not even understand my own power, and how much I could grow as a human being and as a person of power, that I started to grow up.
I slowly but surely relinquished my fantasies about being a superhero, my "relationship" with an astral being, my connections with the "gods" that told me of my "future", and what not, that my life as a Human Being on the Planet Earth began to greatly improve.
I now have a driver's license (when I was too scared to get one), a very rewarding job, a much better relationship with my family, a few real friends that I can actually count on, and some measurable success in my own psychic ability. And that is a lot better than having nothing but a fantasy.
I decided to write a novel of all my heroic fantasies instead (which is actually coming along nicely), and life actually makes sense. And I feel very empowered for that and am in a better position to teach and inspire others with my words.
However, despite all this new success, I have received omens that I do not completely understand. They do not fit into the picture of my life in a better stance of balance and joy that I had built for myself. I have been receiving dreams as to what I fear by my having power (of any kind, not just having some psychic gift), and that did not make sense.
I remember reading T. Thorn Coyle's weblog a few weeks ago to see her write how magical/mystical practitioners cannot remain in a lukewarm state of peace forever. That we need to keep challenging ourselves and our discomforts if we want to grow stronger and find ourselves in new brightness. And with these dreams, I remember this pagan mystic's words.
My dreams have centered around me either harming someone in my care despite my best intentions, failing to save someone from dying, being too distracted to prevent disaster, or simply having my best intentions being interpreted as threatening. And that has gone back to what I have always subconsciously feared about my developing any form of psychic or magical ability. That I will be corrupt. That I will be incompetant. That I will be too distracted to make a difference. Or that I will not be able to help if I am veiwed as contrary to what I stand for.
The fact that I am seeing these dreams obviously shows me that something is boiling underneath the surface. Something that is calling my attention.
With my Fairy Tale Tarot cards (they depict a different fairy tale on each card to help divine the meaning better), I took some quiet time and divined what I could from them. the answer I received shocked me very much.
I first asked: What are the subconscious issues within me currently. In response, I drew the Knight of Swords, which depicted one of my favourite stories: Hans Christian Andersen's The Twelve Wild Swans. In the card, one could see the Heroine's twelve brothers (cursed by their stepmother to become swans instead of men) carrying her in a net above the sea, and in the distance is the castle of a Magician whom gives the heroine the necessary means as to break the curse on her brothers.
I initially saw that card indicating some sort of internal journey i needed to take, but looking further into it, i saw something more. A warning of possible danger coming fowards. A need to prepare for the future with creative ideas. This was an answer I expected.
However, my curiosity was not quenched. I then shuffled my cards and asked: "What do I need to prepare for?", and then I drew the most positive card in the deck, The Sun. The Card depicted a lesser known story titled: The Three Animal Kings, at the ending where the heroes have won the day, freed from their curses and are with their wives greeting the morning light, full of joy and happiness. I needed no other explanation than that. But the answer shocked me all the same.
In seeing this I wondered to myself: "How do I come upon this everlasting joy?" and then drew one final card. It was the Page of Wands, depicting another not-so known story called: "Tatterhood". The story revolved around an ugly princess who travels the world protecting her beautiful sister from threats such as Giants and the like. She carries a large wooden spoon, which she uses as a club to harm her enemies, and rides upon a goat, in a tattered dress. Yet at the end, she is late for her wedding to a prince (her reward for saving the day), and when she arrives, the groom asks her why she carries a wooden spoon, rides a goat, and wears a tattered dress. In response, the heroine changes her spoon into a magic wand, her goat into a valliant steed, and her rags into a beautiful wedding gown, and she ends up more beautiful than her helpless sister.
Seeing all of this, a voice came to my mind and stated: "Follow your Dreams!". My questions had been answered with the most encouraging of omens.
The question now remaining: What dream to follow? What will make a difference in my life and bring me through that "Heroic Quest" towards that ultimate joy?
I do wish to complete my superhero novel, I do wish to bring joy to as many people as I can, I do wish to develop my magic to higher levels, I do wish to be on a life transforming journey apart from normal spiritual seeking, and I do with to be a shining light to others trapped in their own quagmire.
I do have an idea as to what path to ultimately take. Yet I am still unsure as how to get there.
Those are questions for another day. In the mean time, I do have an idea as to where I am headed, should I make the right choices.
So while I ponder over what direction my own seeking shall take me, I leave you with this. If you feel called to do something extraordinary... DO IT! If you want to make a difference in someone's life, I should hope you see it through and find everything you have searched for. If you have a dream, put some action into it, and see where it takes you. The time is now to make a change. You are God on Earth. You will find a way.
LVX Amor!
I have had many interesting experiences that I could write about while at the same time, pushing my theology into it to make some sort of a point on developing or understanding personal power. Well I am not going to be doing that this time around. I am going to write about something much more personal and explain a little of my back-story in the process. So here goes.
We all have a calling in life. We all have a desire for wholeness, a hunch that we can do something great, an inkling that we can, through our own ability, inspire another to create a miracle. This is natural to our human nature and our nature as divine beings in physical form. We all want to do something that will make us remembered with fond memories. I have yet to meet one person who has not wanted this in some form, and I doubt that I ever will.
Well, ever since I was a wee tot raised on Disney movies, I too had a calling. I wanted to explore unknown regions of the world, have some sort of power over myself and others outside of me, and uncover a miracle. It has taken different forms throughout the years, but the desire has ultimately been the same. What has also been the same is little idea as how to become that mystical adventurer i had envisioned myself as.
Well, at fourteen, I discovered my own clairvoyant/clairaudient ability of mediumship, and began to regularly have psychic experiences that confirmed my impossible belief in magic and the unknowable. (Impossible as that sounds.) I spoke with the spirits of trees and lakes and the wind, and enjoyed a wonder for the world.
But instead of this empowering me, I felt more dis-empowered, for I did not understand this in the least, and it did not resolve my fantasy of uncovering mystery. I only heard these beings telepathically and at rare times could I make out an astral form as to what i was "speaking" with. Even worse, I was unaware of the fact that many spiritual beings have agendas of their own. And as such, I allowed myself to be deceived by many of the spirits I called my "friends" and "partners".
I felt a calling and had experiences to somewhat validate that calling, and as a result, I created intense fantasies around this calling of myself as some superhero archangel in human form, in love with a Greek god of sexual desire, on a mission to destroy a powerful source of all evil, and bring about a new age of wisdom. Even worse was that many of the spiritual beings I knew kept pushing those fantasies even deeper, as did normal humans whom wanted to believe in something extraordinary despite that I could hardly prove any of this. All I had were false visions and some misinterpreted verses from the Book of Enoch to try and prove myself.
All the while, I had been unemployed for over two years, had hardly any true friends, and no real direction in life. Despite my "dreams", I was not in a good state of mind or life.
It was only when a psychic and energy worker, that I greatly respected and wanted to impress, told me how "fluffy" I was, how I did not even understand my own power, and how much I could grow as a human being and as a person of power, that I started to grow up.
I slowly but surely relinquished my fantasies about being a superhero, my "relationship" with an astral being, my connections with the "gods" that told me of my "future", and what not, that my life as a Human Being on the Planet Earth began to greatly improve.
I now have a driver's license (when I was too scared to get one), a very rewarding job, a much better relationship with my family, a few real friends that I can actually count on, and some measurable success in my own psychic ability. And that is a lot better than having nothing but a fantasy.
I decided to write a novel of all my heroic fantasies instead (which is actually coming along nicely), and life actually makes sense. And I feel very empowered for that and am in a better position to teach and inspire others with my words.
However, despite all this new success, I have received omens that I do not completely understand. They do not fit into the picture of my life in a better stance of balance and joy that I had built for myself. I have been receiving dreams as to what I fear by my having power (of any kind, not just having some psychic gift), and that did not make sense.
I remember reading T. Thorn Coyle's weblog a few weeks ago to see her write how magical/mystical practitioners cannot remain in a lukewarm state of peace forever. That we need to keep challenging ourselves and our discomforts if we want to grow stronger and find ourselves in new brightness. And with these dreams, I remember this pagan mystic's words.
My dreams have centered around me either harming someone in my care despite my best intentions, failing to save someone from dying, being too distracted to prevent disaster, or simply having my best intentions being interpreted as threatening. And that has gone back to what I have always subconsciously feared about my developing any form of psychic or magical ability. That I will be corrupt. That I will be incompetant. That I will be too distracted to make a difference. Or that I will not be able to help if I am veiwed as contrary to what I stand for.
The fact that I am seeing these dreams obviously shows me that something is boiling underneath the surface. Something that is calling my attention.
With my Fairy Tale Tarot cards (they depict a different fairy tale on each card to help divine the meaning better), I took some quiet time and divined what I could from them. the answer I received shocked me very much.
I first asked: What are the subconscious issues within me currently. In response, I drew the Knight of Swords, which depicted one of my favourite stories: Hans Christian Andersen's The Twelve Wild Swans. In the card, one could see the Heroine's twelve brothers (cursed by their stepmother to become swans instead of men) carrying her in a net above the sea, and in the distance is the castle of a Magician whom gives the heroine the necessary means as to break the curse on her brothers.
I initially saw that card indicating some sort of internal journey i needed to take, but looking further into it, i saw something more. A warning of possible danger coming fowards. A need to prepare for the future with creative ideas. This was an answer I expected.
However, my curiosity was not quenched. I then shuffled my cards and asked: "What do I need to prepare for?", and then I drew the most positive card in the deck, The Sun. The Card depicted a lesser known story titled: The Three Animal Kings, at the ending where the heroes have won the day, freed from their curses and are with their wives greeting the morning light, full of joy and happiness. I needed no other explanation than that. But the answer shocked me all the same.
In seeing this I wondered to myself: "How do I come upon this everlasting joy?" and then drew one final card. It was the Page of Wands, depicting another not-so known story called: "Tatterhood". The story revolved around an ugly princess who travels the world protecting her beautiful sister from threats such as Giants and the like. She carries a large wooden spoon, which she uses as a club to harm her enemies, and rides upon a goat, in a tattered dress. Yet at the end, she is late for her wedding to a prince (her reward for saving the day), and when she arrives, the groom asks her why she carries a wooden spoon, rides a goat, and wears a tattered dress. In response, the heroine changes her spoon into a magic wand, her goat into a valliant steed, and her rags into a beautiful wedding gown, and she ends up more beautiful than her helpless sister.
Seeing all of this, a voice came to my mind and stated: "Follow your Dreams!". My questions had been answered with the most encouraging of omens.
The question now remaining: What dream to follow? What will make a difference in my life and bring me through that "Heroic Quest" towards that ultimate joy?
I do wish to complete my superhero novel, I do wish to bring joy to as many people as I can, I do wish to develop my magic to higher levels, I do wish to be on a life transforming journey apart from normal spiritual seeking, and I do with to be a shining light to others trapped in their own quagmire.
I do have an idea as to what path to ultimately take. Yet I am still unsure as how to get there.
Those are questions for another day. In the mean time, I do have an idea as to where I am headed, should I make the right choices.
So while I ponder over what direction my own seeking shall take me, I leave you with this. If you feel called to do something extraordinary... DO IT! If you want to make a difference in someone's life, I should hope you see it through and find everything you have searched for. If you have a dream, put some action into it, and see where it takes you. The time is now to make a change. You are God on Earth. You will find a way.
LVX Amor!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
On "Positoovity" and Making a Difference
"Every Human Being is the Author of his own Health or Disease." --The Buddha
Today was a very good day for me. I awoke at dawn to watch the sun rise while smoking a cigarette and from there, the day flourished to create a wealth of wonderful experiences that have moved me in wonderful ways. And I am greatful to the ever present spirit of God/dess for bringing such beauty into my life.
I had three very notable experiences today that I wish to write about, but sadly, placing them all in one post would be long and tedious and very likely get me sidetracked from the points I wish to make. So the next few blog posts of mine will be related to the things I have experienced today that filled my being with Joy.
As my personal friends know, a month ago, I was hired by a local hospital as a CNA (Certified Nursing Aide) and I absolutely adore my job.
Despite working twelve hour night shifts (which sadly take time away from my magical and mystical pursuits), I have grown to love the place and (not trying to get too egocentric) have quickly become a beacon of light to most of the employees and patients that enter the facility with my high energy and what I hope to be compassion for my fellow man. I easily make my coworkers laugh and try my best to comfort my patients as they come in, and while it can be difficult at times (I have had to transfer several patients to Hospice and even had to do post mortem care on one patient who had died during my shift, and that is heart breaking) I try my best to ease the demons of the sick and injured and I do see improvements with them, which is always a good thing.
I even see a patient's fear and suffering manifest as astral entities furthering their pain, and i do what I can with my energy work and my spellcraft to clear the negativity and facilitate greater healing. And while doing so can be dangerous for my psychic health, I am fully convinced that what I do has an impact in people's lives.
Many of my coworkers have called me a "Damn Good PCA" or have stated that I am doing a wonderful job there, and what not, and I feel a sense of pride in what I do (even if that is constantly changing patient's diapers and linens). And through some form of divine providence, I am able to do my job while rarely being overworked and never getting tired enough to want to fall asleep. When I did a goofy little dance one morning (for the fun of it, cause that's how this Witch rolls) as my shift ended, a nurse saw me and joked that whatever drugs I am on that keep me so energetic, she wanted in her coffee.
And that is it right there. It is having a belief in the positive. That things will turn out right, no matter how confusing they may seem. That by believing you will experience happiness, you will create it in your life without question.
I have witnessed two remarkable patients at my hospital who have somewhat taken this philosophy to heart and despite all odds and illness, they have moved on in their lives to greater joy and autonomy.
One was a woman who was terminally ill with cancer and I had to deliver a pizza to her, not realizing how sick she was at the time. The delivery truck was downstairs and after bringing it up, i knock on her door and I hear the sweetest voice beckoning me inside. Not a hair on her head and a breast larger the other (obviously where the tumor was), and yet she was filled with the utmost zest for life. I gave her the pizza and she giggled like a little girl taking it and even offered me a slice as a "thank you" gift. She laughed and made small jokes and was the kindest person I had seen in the hospital at the time.
Needless to say that I was stunned beyond belief, for if I were under the same circumstances, i wouldn't know how to accept it. This woman was a hero to me because she was able to move past her Dark Night of the Soul and find peace within herself and could laugh about life with full force. It is people like that that move past their sicknesses and eventually recover from such disease.
A second patient was man whom had previously had both of his legs amputated (which for me would seem like a death sentence), and despite the lack of his limbs, he was still able to function like every common human being on the planet. He was able to put on his prosthetics with incredible ease, get out of bed, and then walk very fast around his hospital room without any trouble whatsoever. I found that to be truly incredible and was astounded to have walked past his room seeing his legs at the corner of the room with him in bed and then walk back there thirty minutes later to see him walking around with no difficulty whatsoever, never seeing the call light ring asking me to fetch his legs or anything. Which I found a little odd.
That is a miracle. One that he made for himself by embracing the positive and then attracting the circumstances into his life to create newfound autonomy out of helplessness.
I have stated that we are Gods on earth. A mortal vehicle for the eternal divine source. And that we create our realities constantly by our energy (be it thoughts or emotions). If we focus on what we want in our lives, we not only attract it, we actually create it in our lives. the same goes for what we do not want in our lives, but that is another story.
The buddhist quote above states it perfectly, and I could not agree with it anymore than I do now.
But it is not just one person's "Positoovity" effecting his own life, it can work on others too. I like to think that I have noticed that my attitude of Idealism and Empathy has a significant effect on the lives of my patients. A lit candle setting fires to other unlit candles. Spreading the light and the message of hope. An intense fire of conviction burning in the hearts of man that grows and illuminates all who come near.
Today, as I rode my bicycle to the local bank to withdraw some money, I was stopped on the nearby sidewalk by a man carrying groceries, waiting for the bus. He shouted something at me, and after just going over a bump in the sidewalk, I had feared that my wallet had fallen from my pocket, so I went over to this man to find that he had been one of my patients at work. Quite a shocker for me.
In the hospital, the man was not only bedridden, but also incontinent, but refused to wear a diaper out of embarrassment. He was in pretty bad shape, and I did my best to encourage his well being and be empathetic towards him, despite the fact that he annoyed his room mate. During the course of the night, he had an accident in his bed, and was very embarrassed by it, and I did what I could to be as kind and loving as I could while changing his sheets and cleaning him up.
Now this man could walk on his own, carry out errands on his own, and had enough spirit to be happy. He told me that he was thankful for the care I gave him when other nurses were not as kind to him and stated that I "Made a Difference" for him. His words not only filled me with pride and encouraged me to keep up my good work, but also gave me a sense of accomplishment. I was doing as God/dess guided me towards and had influenced a man's life for the better. That was worth all the money for the schooling and all the dirty diapers and sheets i had to change and will change right there.
What I am ultimately getting at is that through one's hope and faith that a brighter future will occur for hir, s/he not only creates a better life for hirself, but also brings a light in others as well and elevates them up with hir. It is a truly beautiful thing. One realized god reaching out to help another god on their path towards their highest ideals.
So believe in yourself and in your greatest good and then do an act of kindness each day out of the goodness of your heart and you will see the fulfillment that comes from it. I can't tell you how much that will help not only others, but also the self to new levels of awareness.
LVX Amor!
Today was a very good day for me. I awoke at dawn to watch the sun rise while smoking a cigarette and from there, the day flourished to create a wealth of wonderful experiences that have moved me in wonderful ways. And I am greatful to the ever present spirit of God/dess for bringing such beauty into my life.
I had three very notable experiences today that I wish to write about, but sadly, placing them all in one post would be long and tedious and very likely get me sidetracked from the points I wish to make. So the next few blog posts of mine will be related to the things I have experienced today that filled my being with Joy.
As my personal friends know, a month ago, I was hired by a local hospital as a CNA (Certified Nursing Aide) and I absolutely adore my job.
Despite working twelve hour night shifts (which sadly take time away from my magical and mystical pursuits), I have grown to love the place and (not trying to get too egocentric) have quickly become a beacon of light to most of the employees and patients that enter the facility with my high energy and what I hope to be compassion for my fellow man. I easily make my coworkers laugh and try my best to comfort my patients as they come in, and while it can be difficult at times (I have had to transfer several patients to Hospice and even had to do post mortem care on one patient who had died during my shift, and that is heart breaking) I try my best to ease the demons of the sick and injured and I do see improvements with them, which is always a good thing.
I even see a patient's fear and suffering manifest as astral entities furthering their pain, and i do what I can with my energy work and my spellcraft to clear the negativity and facilitate greater healing. And while doing so can be dangerous for my psychic health, I am fully convinced that what I do has an impact in people's lives.
Many of my coworkers have called me a "Damn Good PCA" or have stated that I am doing a wonderful job there, and what not, and I feel a sense of pride in what I do (even if that is constantly changing patient's diapers and linens). And through some form of divine providence, I am able to do my job while rarely being overworked and never getting tired enough to want to fall asleep. When I did a goofy little dance one morning (for the fun of it, cause that's how this Witch rolls) as my shift ended, a nurse saw me and joked that whatever drugs I am on that keep me so energetic, she wanted in her coffee.
And that is it right there. It is having a belief in the positive. That things will turn out right, no matter how confusing they may seem. That by believing you will experience happiness, you will create it in your life without question.
I have witnessed two remarkable patients at my hospital who have somewhat taken this philosophy to heart and despite all odds and illness, they have moved on in their lives to greater joy and autonomy.
One was a woman who was terminally ill with cancer and I had to deliver a pizza to her, not realizing how sick she was at the time. The delivery truck was downstairs and after bringing it up, i knock on her door and I hear the sweetest voice beckoning me inside. Not a hair on her head and a breast larger the other (obviously where the tumor was), and yet she was filled with the utmost zest for life. I gave her the pizza and she giggled like a little girl taking it and even offered me a slice as a "thank you" gift. She laughed and made small jokes and was the kindest person I had seen in the hospital at the time.
Needless to say that I was stunned beyond belief, for if I were under the same circumstances, i wouldn't know how to accept it. This woman was a hero to me because she was able to move past her Dark Night of the Soul and find peace within herself and could laugh about life with full force. It is people like that that move past their sicknesses and eventually recover from such disease.
A second patient was man whom had previously had both of his legs amputated (which for me would seem like a death sentence), and despite the lack of his limbs, he was still able to function like every common human being on the planet. He was able to put on his prosthetics with incredible ease, get out of bed, and then walk very fast around his hospital room without any trouble whatsoever. I found that to be truly incredible and was astounded to have walked past his room seeing his legs at the corner of the room with him in bed and then walk back there thirty minutes later to see him walking around with no difficulty whatsoever, never seeing the call light ring asking me to fetch his legs or anything. Which I found a little odd.
That is a miracle. One that he made for himself by embracing the positive and then attracting the circumstances into his life to create newfound autonomy out of helplessness.
I have stated that we are Gods on earth. A mortal vehicle for the eternal divine source. And that we create our realities constantly by our energy (be it thoughts or emotions). If we focus on what we want in our lives, we not only attract it, we actually create it in our lives. the same goes for what we do not want in our lives, but that is another story.
The buddhist quote above states it perfectly, and I could not agree with it anymore than I do now.
But it is not just one person's "Positoovity" effecting his own life, it can work on others too. I like to think that I have noticed that my attitude of Idealism and Empathy has a significant effect on the lives of my patients. A lit candle setting fires to other unlit candles. Spreading the light and the message of hope. An intense fire of conviction burning in the hearts of man that grows and illuminates all who come near.
Today, as I rode my bicycle to the local bank to withdraw some money, I was stopped on the nearby sidewalk by a man carrying groceries, waiting for the bus. He shouted something at me, and after just going over a bump in the sidewalk, I had feared that my wallet had fallen from my pocket, so I went over to this man to find that he had been one of my patients at work. Quite a shocker for me.
In the hospital, the man was not only bedridden, but also incontinent, but refused to wear a diaper out of embarrassment. He was in pretty bad shape, and I did my best to encourage his well being and be empathetic towards him, despite the fact that he annoyed his room mate. During the course of the night, he had an accident in his bed, and was very embarrassed by it, and I did what I could to be as kind and loving as I could while changing his sheets and cleaning him up.
Now this man could walk on his own, carry out errands on his own, and had enough spirit to be happy. He told me that he was thankful for the care I gave him when other nurses were not as kind to him and stated that I "Made a Difference" for him. His words not only filled me with pride and encouraged me to keep up my good work, but also gave me a sense of accomplishment. I was doing as God/dess guided me towards and had influenced a man's life for the better. That was worth all the money for the schooling and all the dirty diapers and sheets i had to change and will change right there.
What I am ultimately getting at is that through one's hope and faith that a brighter future will occur for hir, s/he not only creates a better life for hirself, but also brings a light in others as well and elevates them up with hir. It is a truly beautiful thing. One realized god reaching out to help another god on their path towards their highest ideals.
So believe in yourself and in your greatest good and then do an act of kindness each day out of the goodness of your heart and you will see the fulfillment that comes from it. I can't tell you how much that will help not only others, but also the self to new levels of awareness.
LVX Amor!
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