On Dreams and Heroic Quests

"Dreams without actions are but fantasies" --Christopher Davis

I have had many interesting experiences that I could write about while at the same time, pushing my theology into it to make some sort of a point on developing or understanding personal power. Well I am not going to be doing that this time around. I am going to write about something much more personal and explain a little of my back-story in the process. So here goes.

We all have a calling in life. We all have a desire for wholeness, a hunch that we can do something great, an inkling that we can, through our own ability, inspire another to create a miracle. This is natural to our human nature and our nature as divine beings in physical form. We all want to do something that will make us remembered with fond memories. I have yet to meet one person who has not wanted this in some form, and I doubt that I ever will.

Well, ever since I was a wee tot raised on Disney movies, I too had a calling. I wanted to explore unknown regions of the world, have some sort of power over myself and others outside of me, and uncover a miracle. It has taken different forms throughout the years, but the desire has ultimately been the same. What has also been the same is little idea as how to become that mystical adventurer i had envisioned myself as.

Well, at fourteen, I discovered my own clairvoyant/clairaudient ability of mediumship, and began to regularly have psychic experiences that confirmed my impossible belief in magic and the unknowable. (Impossible as that sounds.) I spoke with the spirits of trees and lakes and the wind, and enjoyed a wonder for the world.

But instead of this empowering me, I felt more dis-empowered, for I did not understand this in the least, and it did not resolve my fantasy of uncovering mystery. I only heard these beings telepathically and at rare times could I make out an astral form as to what i was "speaking" with. Even worse, I was unaware of the fact that many spiritual beings have agendas of their own. And as such, I allowed myself to be deceived by many of the spirits I called my "friends" and "partners".

I felt a calling and had experiences to somewhat validate that calling, and as a result, I created intense fantasies around this calling of myself as some superhero archangel in human form, in love with a Greek god of sexual desire, on a mission to destroy a powerful source of all evil, and bring about a new age of wisdom. Even worse was that many of the spiritual beings I knew kept pushing those fantasies even deeper, as did normal humans whom wanted to believe in something extraordinary despite that I could hardly prove any of this. All I had were false visions and some misinterpreted verses from the Book of Enoch to try and prove myself.

All the while, I had been unemployed for over two years, had hardly any true friends, and no real direction in life. Despite my "dreams", I was not in a good state of mind or life.

It was only when a psychic and energy worker, that I greatly respected and wanted to impress, told me how "fluffy" I was, how I did not even understand my own power, and how much I could grow as a human being and as a person of power, that I started to grow up.

I slowly but surely relinquished my fantasies about being a superhero, my "relationship" with an astral being, my connections with the "gods" that told me of my "future", and what not, that my life as a Human Being on the Planet Earth began to greatly improve.

I now have a driver's license (when I was too scared to get one), a very rewarding job, a much better relationship with my family, a few real friends that I can actually count on, and some measurable success in my own psychic ability. And that is a lot better than having nothing but a fantasy.

I decided to write a novel of all my heroic fantasies instead (which is actually coming along nicely), and life actually makes sense. And I feel very empowered for that and am in a better position to teach and inspire others with my words.

However, despite all this new success, I have received omens that I do not completely understand. They do not fit into the picture of my life in a better stance of balance and joy that I had built for myself. I have been receiving dreams as to what I fear by my having power (of any kind, not just having some psychic gift), and that did not make sense.

I remember reading T. Thorn Coyle's weblog a few weeks ago to see her write how magical/mystical practitioners cannot remain in a lukewarm state of peace forever. That we need to keep challenging ourselves and our discomforts if we want to grow stronger and find ourselves in new brightness. And with these dreams, I remember this pagan mystic's words.

My dreams have centered around me either harming someone in my care despite my best intentions, failing to save someone from dying, being too distracted to prevent disaster, or simply having my best intentions being interpreted as threatening. And that has gone back to what I have always subconsciously feared about my developing any form of psychic or magical ability. That I will be corrupt. That I will be incompetant. That I will be too distracted to make a difference. Or that I will not be able to help if I am veiwed as contrary to what I stand for.

The fact that I am seeing these dreams obviously shows me that something is boiling underneath the surface. Something that is calling my attention.

With my Fairy Tale Tarot cards (they depict a different fairy tale on each card to help divine the meaning better), I took some quiet time and divined what I could from them. the answer I received shocked me very much.

I first asked: What are the subconscious issues within me currently. In response, I drew the Knight of Swords, which depicted one of my favourite stories: Hans Christian Andersen's The Twelve Wild Swans. In the card, one could see the Heroine's twelve brothers (cursed by their stepmother to become swans instead of men) carrying her in a net above the sea, and in the distance is the castle of a Magician whom gives the heroine the necessary means as to break the curse on her brothers.

I initially saw that card indicating some sort of internal journey i needed to take, but looking further into it, i saw something more. A warning of possible danger coming fowards. A need to prepare for the future with creative ideas. This was an answer I expected.

However, my curiosity was not quenched. I then shuffled my cards and asked: "What do I need to prepare for?", and then I drew the most positive card in the deck, The Sun. The Card depicted a lesser known story titled: The Three Animal Kings, at the ending where the heroes have won the day, freed from their curses and are with their wives greeting the morning light, full of joy and happiness. I needed no other explanation than that. But the answer shocked me all the same.

In seeing this I wondered to myself: "How do I come upon this everlasting joy?" and then drew one final card. It was the Page of Wands, depicting another not-so known story called: "Tatterhood". The story revolved around an ugly princess who travels the world protecting her beautiful sister from threats such as Giants and the like. She carries a large wooden spoon, which she uses as a club to harm her enemies, and rides upon a goat, in a tattered dress. Yet at the end, she is late for her wedding to a prince (her reward for saving the day), and when she arrives, the groom asks her why she carries a wooden spoon, rides a goat, and wears a tattered dress. In response, the heroine changes her spoon into a magic wand, her goat into a valliant steed, and her rags into a beautiful wedding gown, and she ends up more beautiful than her helpless sister.

Seeing all of this, a voice came to my mind and stated: "Follow your Dreams!". My questions had been answered with the most encouraging of omens.

The question now remaining: What dream to follow? What will make a difference in my life and bring me through that "Heroic Quest" towards that ultimate joy?

I do wish to complete my superhero novel, I do wish to bring joy to as many people as I can, I do wish to develop my magic to higher levels, I do wish to be on a life transforming journey apart from normal spiritual seeking, and I do with to be a shining light to others trapped in their own quagmire.

I do have an idea as to what path to ultimately take. Yet I am still unsure as how to get there.

Those are questions for another day. In the mean time, I do have an idea as to where I am headed, should I make the right choices.

So while I ponder over what direction my own seeking shall take me, I leave you with this. If you feel called to do something extraordinary... DO IT! If you want to make a difference in someone's life, I should hope you see it through and find everything you have searched for. If you have a dream, put some action into it, and see where it takes you. The time is now to make a change. You are God on Earth. You will find a way.

LVX Amor!